I hate when people can see into me
see behind my mask
into who i really am
weak, vulnerable and defenceless
is not something i feel comfortable with
even with someone i'm very close with
my heart isnt storng like it once was

new year

the bells went
and i coulnd't lie for you
they were more important
the truth behind the lie
the moment behind the weakness
for once put myself first and see the beauty of the world
see what im missing or really where i should be <3

I remember

Is remembering ...
the person i once admired
the one that stood tall
never let her head fall down
no one was better or worse
I remember she respected everyone
never jugded on their past
took them on how they treated her
she was sometimes hurt
but never cut herself off ... not again
i remember she had dreams, ambitions and wishes
she still holds them high
they keep her going
i remember this girl
i remember she's ME.

for now

I sit here and stare at the snow
i remember the past
i'll look to tomorrow
but i can't forget
or should i say i chose not to forget
it maybe my downfall
but its also my strenght
when you forget about me
i'll still remember
and thats ok
its what makes me who i am
and the stronger person will always win.

enough

ive been waiting since september...
thats long enough

what happens when your the one thats left?
you thought youd leave, you still still stand tall
but in the same place as the year before
what happens then?
what happens next?
is the last year a waste?
what did you really learn?
few care
very few stay
life always goes on
i met some amazing
and some horrible people this year
I'm a better person than some give me credit
i care too much for the wrong people
its time to let go ...need i say more <3

now

looks like i forgot
looks like i dont remember
i refuse to let it in
and run after the forgotton
maybe its time to remind myself
that word ... one day will be spoken again.

whisper

I sit at my window
the rain taps that familar sound
the wind is whispering at me again
can you hear it...
hear the truth
the forgotten words
the missed expressions
the life goes on
day by day
i can still feel you on the wind

another.

I can write what i really want here
because you'll never read it
I can say what i really mean here
because you'll never see it
you told me once you're scared what you'll find
see something that resembled him
now you're scared of seeing what resembles you.
why do i carry this on?
why do i still let it hurt?
im sick of the meaningless
and right now im sick of you
goodnight to the weeping
goodnight to the strong
I saw you from a far
I truely wish i was wrong
the strenght is wasted on you.

yes

last night i felt the warmth
today is oh so cold
and the pattern continues
who's left standing?

i see

your eyes could melt the coldest heart
they did
your smile has the warmth of the days you forgot
...
here i stand
never able to see the light of day
or the mirror of yesterday
stumbling from yesterday to tomorrow
can you see it yet?
the regret smeared across your face
its not mine to have
i regret not , as i did everything in my power
and there you stand.

today

Can't you just admit it?
tell me the truth and stop the pain
So long i hate the taste of the memory
honesty is a lost cause ... you missed the start
you missed the point
forget me not as i am not the lost one
not snymore
remember the day,
oh yea it didnt matter to you
let me go!
just let me go!

today

i cant pretend anymore
the life once worshiped
and i still hide behind you
you broke the once strong
you lost the forsaken son
'NEVER AGAIN' she screams
lost in the moment
lust over love
its easier that way
and it goes on ...

lust filled lonilness

touch the love struck streets with your lust filled hand
hold your breathe a little longer so she can catch up
she maybe a few steps forward in ways but not others
then she finds your lips again your mind goes racing
shes like nothing you've ever tasted before
ignite the life
invite the soul
the night of pleasure continues ...

nightmare called truth

Walking around this nightmare
holding onto our dreams
wishing you wouldnt let go
praying youll hold me again
the taste so sweet
the way our lips meet
im always not enough
what i want is never good enough
your heart is sweetier
memories so broken
its over now
yet again so close but yet so far

...

We walk into a new relationship
Trampling all over the old
Sleeping on someone else’s ghost
Trodden on someone else memories
You may forget they have a past
And fall deeper than you hopped
But don’t you worry the past will always raise it’s evil head
It will always hold someone else hand
You may focus on me leaving, there being the only thing keeping us apart
But there is always the past, haunting us and destroying the future
I can’t stop falling for you
My heart is no longer in the leaving
I don’t care for much anymore
My heart is pounding just writing this
Guess what it was you I was running from in the first place
Because you’re who I can be with
Please just hold my hand
I want you
But I believe I broke that
It’s gone now
just hold my hand

.

So turns out i can't let myself be happy
...
fabulous

truth

your eyes melt the bad memories
but the longer i stay the harder it will be
your touch
the tenderest yet holding me in the state of mind that isnt right for today
i think of the past
due to me being scared of what tomorrow brings holding your hand
i don't think i miss him
i miss knowing , know how he could hurt me
knowning that the pain was easy to deal with
my walls back up sweetheart
those tears reminded me of him
not in a way i ever want to think of him
your perfect
but shes here now
my time to leave
goodbye <3

the touch on my skin gives me tingles
the butterflies with every kiss
and you arms keep me safe

then you pull away
i know why
its the best thing to do
but i cant do this much longer


i cant be in the same circle with a better person
i cant pretend that i dont see you pushing me away



you really ae prefect ... and i'm sure she will think the same