I remember

Is remembering ...
the person i once admired
the one that stood tall
never let her head fall down
no one was better or worse
I remember she respected everyone
never jugded on their past
took them on how they treated her
she was sometimes hurt
but never cut herself off ... not again
i remember she had dreams, ambitions and wishes
she still holds them high
they keep her going
i remember this girl
i remember she's ME.

for now

I sit here and stare at the snow
i remember the past
i'll look to tomorrow
but i can't forget
or should i say i chose not to forget
it maybe my downfall
but its also my strenght
when you forget about me
i'll still remember
and thats ok
its what makes me who i am
and the stronger person will always win.

enough

ive been waiting since september...
thats long enough

what happens when your the one thats left?
you thought youd leave, you still still stand tall
but in the same place as the year before
what happens then?
what happens next?
is the last year a waste?
what did you really learn?
few care
very few stay
life always goes on
i met some amazing
and some horrible people this year
I'm a better person than some give me credit
i care too much for the wrong people
its time to let go ...need i say more <3

now

looks like i forgot
looks like i dont remember
i refuse to let it in
and run after the forgotton
maybe its time to remind myself
that word ... one day will be spoken again.

whisper

I sit at my window
the rain taps that familar sound
the wind is whispering at me again
can you hear it...
hear the truth
the forgotten words
the missed expressions
the life goes on
day by day
i can still feel you on the wind

another.

I can write what i really want here
because you'll never read it
I can say what i really mean here
because you'll never see it
you told me once you're scared what you'll find
see something that resembled him
now you're scared of seeing what resembles you.
why do i carry this on?
why do i still let it hurt?
im sick of the meaningless
and right now im sick of you
goodnight to the weeping
goodnight to the strong
I saw you from a far
I truely wish i was wrong
the strenght is wasted on you.

yes

last night i felt the warmth
today is oh so cold
and the pattern continues
who's left standing?

i see

your eyes could melt the coldest heart
they did
your smile has the warmth of the days you forgot
...
here i stand
never able to see the light of day
or the mirror of yesterday
stumbling from yesterday to tomorrow
can you see it yet?
the regret smeared across your face
its not mine to have
i regret not , as i did everything in my power
and there you stand.

today

Can't you just admit it?
tell me the truth and stop the pain
So long i hate the taste of the memory
honesty is a lost cause ... you missed the start
you missed the point
forget me not as i am not the lost one
not snymore
remember the day,
oh yea it didnt matter to you
let me go!
just let me go!

today

i cant pretend anymore
the life once worshiped
and i still hide behind you
you broke the once strong
you lost the forsaken son
'NEVER AGAIN' she screams
lost in the moment
lust over love
its easier that way
and it goes on ...

lust filled lonilness

touch the love struck streets with your lust filled hand
hold your breathe a little longer so she can catch up
she maybe a few steps forward in ways but not others
then she finds your lips again your mind goes racing
shes like nothing you've ever tasted before
ignite the life
invite the soul
the night of pleasure continues ...

nightmare called truth

Walking around this nightmare
holding onto our dreams
wishing you wouldnt let go
praying youll hold me again
the taste so sweet
the way our lips meet
im always not enough
what i want is never good enough
your heart is sweetier
memories so broken
its over now
yet again so close but yet so far

...

We walk into a new relationship
Trampling all over the old
Sleeping on someone else’s ghost
Trodden on someone else memories
You may forget they have a past
And fall deeper than you hopped
But don’t you worry the past will always raise it’s evil head
It will always hold someone else hand
You may focus on me leaving, there being the only thing keeping us apart
But there is always the past, haunting us and destroying the future
I can’t stop falling for you
My heart is no longer in the leaving
I don’t care for much anymore
My heart is pounding just writing this
Guess what it was you I was running from in the first place
Because you’re who I can be with
Please just hold my hand
I want you
But I believe I broke that
It’s gone now
just hold my hand

.

So turns out i can't let myself be happy
...
fabulous

truth

your eyes melt the bad memories
but the longer i stay the harder it will be
your touch
the tenderest yet holding me in the state of mind that isnt right for today
i think of the past
due to me being scared of what tomorrow brings holding your hand
i don't think i miss him
i miss knowing , know how he could hurt me
knowning that the pain was easy to deal with
my walls back up sweetheart
those tears reminded me of him
not in a way i ever want to think of him
your perfect
but shes here now
my time to leave
goodbye <3

the touch on my skin gives me tingles
the butterflies with every kiss
and you arms keep me safe

then you pull away
i know why
its the best thing to do
but i cant do this much longer


i cant be in the same circle with a better person
i cant pretend that i dont see you pushing me away



you really ae prefect ... and i'm sure she will think the same

today will have to wait till tomorrow

So i'm looking for my heart
finding that missing piece to start out again
and then the hard truth hits
ive found it ... just before i leave
to start with my heart couldnt be his because of another
now i cant have his due to another
now i must leave
and live with the fact
that he will love another
and ill never feel that touch again
wake up in his arms
or feel complete next to him
he fixed me in such a short time
made more impact on me in th last few months than many have in years


you fit perfectly darling and part of me will always hope that one day youll be mine <3

do you see?

she stands there wating for you
will you ever get there?
she wonders
that turning point that has brought you to a stand still
the memoriers that make her wait
but then ...
the thought occurs
were you ever who she wanted ?
and if you were... is that part of you still alive ?

im sorry but i don't want you to be my first regret

THE CHASE

how we run after those who only want part of us
how we yearn for the parts of them that don't exsist
how we cry at night
shuddering from the unknown
how again we make the mistakes
the path that was chosen for us
or the path we wish to chose
which is the right one?
which is recoverable?

your voice still lingers on her neck <3

...

lie with her a moment longer
hold her ever more tightly than you did before
and whisper her name
she would melt
and hold you higher than your dreams
never settle
never dream

im sorry for the hurt ive caused
but the tears you seen ... youve been repaid

i miss those nights
i miss the knowing


im now so lost
its still not showing ...

truth time

what i want most ...
is you to still be there in the morning
understand my pain and take it all in
stop forgetting 'IM HERE TO!'
and just smile
is it too much thsi time?
will you run from your mistakes again?
ive sen you walk way more times than sense
and if you do again i wont come back

please

you do realise i care more about the part of thats died than you?
you get that ... right?
how you could hold be and make it better
the nights we lay there
the knowing that we had soething ... there was something
the better person he was
i stll remember
even if you dont
i still care even though you dont know how to
... when will you let me go?
for real this time ...

!

here i am
dont you see me?
im still here
ive been here longer than i can remember
to furfil your needs
where are mine you may ask
theyve never mattered before
so why should they now
dont pretend like i matter
im done with those lies
your spell will fade ... as will you

so on

When will you let me go
when will it be enough
my heart can already not take it
the emontional bag i have punch became
to fill the emptiness your life holds
to love the one you hate
to hate the one you love
you havebecome the one i adore
hate
worship
desire
and dred


'you worthless piece of skin'

what may come

she walks into a room
a room shes never seen before
a life shes way to start
and there you are


it may have years , months or days
however long it has been her heart is pounding
every feeling floods to her stomach and gives her those butterflies
the ones she shares for you

the pair walk over to eachother
and without a word his lips meet hers
theres no one else in the room thats worth a second thought
they found eachother ... agian
after all these years

.

that four letter word i can never say
the emotions i hold back evveryday

the wishes that will never come true
the day that you walked on through

and yet im still here standing


... why?

questions

you never know anyone until you let them in
and yet how do we know what they say is true...
you have to trust to know the truth
but then what if what they say is a lie
you end up hurt because you trust them
and they walk away ...

then what if they end somthing you had because of one of many reasons
and you pretend to be ok so they dont see your hurt
and so you can stay friends
but then they think that you never carse and theres nothing left between you
when all oyu think about is them

or what if you hold nto to something that was never there?

i guess we will never know

never forget

never forget the words that he whispered to you
you know the ones
the ones he then told her

never forget the way he tasted
remeber the night ..
your friend told you thats how she tastes

never forget the way his hand fit in yours
how comforting they were
until the night he held her while you were in th same room

who do we trusr
t if we cant trust our own
who do we love
when the lie isnt stong enough

karma!

you broke her ?
the wounds are as clear as day
and then you walked away?
how very noble of you
such a kind sir
a gentleman in disguise

now you expect the apology?
as she showed the society who you trurely are!
do you understand... karma is a cruel but worthy thing
and you are only at the start of the pain shed
your rein of terror is over
and no excuse will help you runaway the insanity you caused!

next

do you see thw pain your causeing?
the days of lost ... the moments of weakness
gain the day you never want to lose
love the person that will leave if let her
dont you see
onle so many times ill let you screw up!

for now

i can't stay that person
behind close doors
the fantasy
never anything more
never anything real

i can hate you
and pretend thats all i feel
'you can't hate someone you once didnt care about'
ill never stop repeating those words
i wish your presence would let me go...

forever

your yet to see the beauty
you lost it all inside
i miss the way you kiss
and the thoughts of you will always be mine
no one can take that away from me no one

ill stand out on the ledge
ill hold my head high
kissing you goodnight in my dreams
hoping to wake in your arms

dont you see it yet
im not
and will not
leave
its you <3

5.

done with the past
fresh start...
is all i need
because i see the beauty
i fear the dark
but wish the sunrise and the sunset to make their imapact
i worship the ground
and devote to the sky
you see straight through the lie
i applud you

4.

forever lost in the sea of emotions
never gaining to speed on on depth
just floating in the confusion

the anger is noticeable
the strenght is weakening
ablity to hold on?
gone !



you were the one that broke me
now it break 'it'

3.

shoulder to shoulder
breather on skin
kiss so tender
or did i forget
are you truely there? the person i think you are
do they even notice the peson i am now
or it covered amd smothered in the past
i wish not to continue this outing
id rather bath in the warmth of something real
not the illusion of what has been

2.

that dream
its haunted me all day
to what i was saw
to feel how i felt
that moment was more real than any of todays activites

im not someone you can play
neither am i a pawn in your game
i wish the world happieness
i wish myself contentment
but the pain you cause
breaks my very skin

never again?

1.

your eyes glaze over
your touch once soft now scrapes my skin
the wall impossible to climb
the thought of you?
no longer are mine

since then i now wish to disconnect
failing to see the forward
scared to admit the truth

you have no more to offer
om sorry

that night

the rush of emotion of as you stand
you know whats way to to happen
as they enter the stage
as they play the fisrt note
the buzz is incredible and you cant handle the emotion anymore
you cant take the heat
the frenze
just enjoy the moment
you know you have to
when will you get this feeling again
pure happiness
when your brusied and sweaty
dancing like no ones watching
and just like that it over ... till next time

indifferent

music fills my head but onely encorages the screaming
the words just melt into my ideals
they prmote the thinking i'd rather forget
im forgetting to tell you how i really feel
but i believe
you are chosing to ignore this anyways

if you put the thought abou how much i care to the back of your head no one will get hurt
i use to laugh at people in my this situation
snigger 'how could they be so stupid'
'why dont they walk away'
well if im truthfully ... walking away would break me more than you could

goodbye

its time to forget
only me and you know what was
only me an you know the truth
even if you hide from it
i cant keep the touture going
i dont want to seeyour arms round her
and you dont want to see the arms around my waist belonging to him

im happy in a way that i never thought i could be again
your just the bad drug
and i will get you out my system even if it involves forgetting your name
the way you taste
and he way you smell
thwe hardest part
...
your the olny obne to to see straight into to me
thats what hurt
we were always so close
nether strong enough
to broken to see the future

id love to think outr paths will crosss again
but they only will if either of us force it
im not strong enough to let you reject me again
to break my heart again?
whats one more time ...


so this is goodbye
farewell for now at least
ill see what happens when im more stabble
maybe when you forget me we can start
or end again!


so this goodbye
this is farewell
i want to state ill never think about you again
i want to state that ill neer get in contact
but its you and you know my strenght
and your the weakness i cant over come

but for now .... Get Fucked!
hold her!
but you know she will never be me
goodbye

you

its funny how the one thing i hate most athat girls do
when they tunr into 'that person'
i feel myself doing the same
im as bad as all the rest
and starting to understand its not as easty as it looks to be the good guy 24/7


...
i dunno what i want anymore
or who i want to be

and again

tears run dry
all thats left is laughter
how stupid you've been
how meaningless this whole experience has been
anfd how you still managed to break me a little

i repeat the words hoping one day they will have an impact on your life to
hpoing that one day im right and they have to state how wrong they are
you know what i want to hear
you know what i need but still wont give me what i want
im sick fed up
why am i only right about the things i truely dont want to be right about ...

contentment

its so sad to think the things all i need to make me happy






but i wont tell the world just yet...

nothings simpler

magic circles seperate us all
your breathe still makes the hairs on her neck stick up
your eyes still calm her down
that one touch and her stomach does summersaults

the lyrics fill her head
and she dreams of a simpler time
they ask why she still bothers with you
there is no answer that will please them
but her true friends understand and pick her up when you forget to hold her up

she doesnt ask for everything
or much at all

but do you remember
that first...
the contement of sitting there
entangled and smiling
each with a book in their hand
each happy just to be with each other


simpler time?
or an experience that needs to be a daily activity?

I MISS YOU!

ok i've said it, i've whipered, i've screamed it...

but when will you realise the main problem ...

its not whats happened
its not what could happen
its not the pain
its not the mistakes
its not you ...

don't you get it?












ill never be good enough for you



and if you wont admit it i sure as hell will

all i feel is numb

!

im listening to that song again
you know one ...
oh wait you dont know what it is
you dont know what it symbolises

yes i hear it and think about you and her and how everything you said or did was erased cause you broke it

options

turning at the crossroads
broken on the street
missing the intervals
and forgetting where to speak

'i miss you' has long been said but not yet forgotton
your touch is not something i regret
but chose not to remember as my skin would start to ache for you
as much as my heart does

you told me you didnt
but to me the fact you wanted to is so much worse
the thought can mean so much more
and the fact you tired to and failed
so yes now his hands are on me
but don't for for second think that it wasnt you who put them there...

realisation

new slate
that new day ive been dreaming of is coming closer
the grounnd beneath my feet will change
the faces i see each day will no longer be the same

and yet what will really change?
when will i realise i cant run from my demons
insecurites
curel words
lost dreams
broken promises
the ones the you lost long the way

you can take yourself away from the place but can you ever truely forget your past?

today

you see right through the soul i cant offer,
you worship the unspoken ground
and then you kiss me and i cant help but want nothing more!

whats happening to this situation? do you understand ?
theres so much i cant explain
and don't wish to

but then all is calm and the future is forward

again

the truth realised
the barrier broken
no where left to hide
no where left to run

you lips fit mine perfectly
and you arms hold me close
but ive thought these thoughts before
the feleings feel brand new

i just like how easily you can make me smile..

you never knew

to scared to make the step as your not strong enough to catch up with my broken mistakes
to lost to realise yours are the arms i belong in
and we got so lost than no one told us to stand back

questions

im starting to consider that every person is a mixture of the last
every 'new' person you meet reminds you of someone
these people may be out of your life
better forgotten
lost along the way
desperate to have with you but you cant
but to be reminded of them by this 'new' person is that not unfair on the original person or the newer version?
do those charcteristics not have some right to be person you noticed them in first?
and with this logic
this person you once loved
and you loved them for the way the spoke about the world or the way they held you
what if the next person comes along and does the exact same without realising
should you run from the 'new' person because their ruining the image of the last
or should you stay and ruin image of new as your alway going remember who came first
but if you do run will you be running from a possiblity or a certainty?

so many questins and no one really has a clear idea how to solve the issuses
we are all broken as the last

i cant explain it clearer

shadowed by the fears of yesterday
and the pain tomorrow may cause
so much haterd from someone who i cant help but still miss
moved on with my life but yu have taken part of me with you

confidence taken a hit
prettending to be that person i wanna be
and yet ill aadmit straight away who i am
not to get those happy compliments
just to honest
i am who i am
and being scared of what i look like is my biggest downfall

truth

you dont see it yet do you?


your copmletely lost!
and i refus to pick you up this time...

!

the new paragragh is long overdue to be written
the next chapter has been put on hold for far too long
what is she waiting for?
no one will take that step for her
and her safety net is unawre of its purpose

she understands how she is meant to feel
she sees how they want to see her
and the image of herself through their eyes
all these things would make any girl complete
but like like so many otheres shes haunted by her past

she cant get past her deamons
move past the days that broke her
shes made the choice
to leave this god for sken place and start again!

im done apologising ...

this is just for you
no one else, just for you
we've said our piece, the pain has been caused
the tears have been shed and the wounds mend
but i've told you before ... your still here

i still feel you
the memories still haunt me
i hope they pass
but even know the area is hostile
i cant forget ... you fit perfectly
you held me when it hurt
you kissed me when i needed it
that was the laughter that i craved for
the smile i coulldnt replace!

...

you held me so high
i proved you so wrong
i showed the person ive made up
the one there to hurt
to cause the pain that no one deserves
the one that appears to stop you getting in
andto stop you truely hurting me


the true colours of something you would never expect!

what ive done

the mistakes i have made i am yet to regret
i will apologise for my downfalls that the pain i may have caused
but each step i take
to the right, to the wrong
i worry of the pain and unnecessary anger i have caused
even though i'm far from having the abilty of feel again

demons haunt my exsitance
your shadow is all but chalk dust,
that i just need to wait to be blown away by the wind
and day by day your taste forgets to linger

the new moon rises and i can see my spotlight
waiting to take my step
i stand there alone
distant memories of what i had
hopeful wishes of what may come

always the same

so many storiers
with all the same ending
different paths, different people
same start, same ending
they come
they love
some may call it just some extreme emotion
Usually a form of happiness
they leave
but not without a part of your heart
you may leave
she may leave
you both may leave
but the ending is always the same
its all over with no othe option
no other future
eveyone the same
goondnight sweetheart ... i can't do this anymore

the simple truth

Have you ever noticed ...
That each lover you have touches you in a different way ... but with the same ending.
The hardest thing to forget about, when i comes to someone you cared about is the way they :
Held you,
Those kisses on your forhead,
The way the stroked your face,
How they played with your hair.

And more importantly ...
That feeling at the pit of your stomach
When the world flips upside down
and you swallow it all in a oner.

The fact that every person you care about seems to do the same
But in completely different at the same time
Some stronger,
Some weaker
But all so intense

How at this moment in time they are all that matter
and yet next year it could be someone else...

Your heart is beating faster just for them!

But let me add,
This is without bringing love into the equation
This saddens and intrigues me all at the same time

all in one look

surrounded by people
the conversation intertwine into a murmer,
under the music that fills my head...

'i thought he was worth it'
'i can't believe she did this to me'
and then the expressions alone...
'should i really be with her, wheres the spark?'
'your all i want but im scared im not enough'

No matter what life we lead
No matter how different we are
We all have the same thoughtd, dreams and devastations!

not interested

you've had your impact
now leave my life
give me back what i deserve
and get the fuck out

you've had your say
i've heard your lies
i dont want anything to do with your pathetic existence

leave now before the words hit deeper than the scars
I'm yet to show you ...
leave beforeyour the mistake i can't erase
Fuck you!

the next step

you are what you see
and yet you can be so more
the mystery underneath the lie
the story behind the book

i wish it was as easy as me as it is for you
and then again i dont
i'd rather feel than become so lost your spirte is dying to be reborn
i miss is more of an i wish

the paths crossed at the wrong time
our memories will always be intangled
its wheather you chose to remember or not

new light

forever without the insight
tomorrow without the day light
you asked, I said
but what now?
neither of us are any better off
no closer to contentment
just sitting wih the pain of loss
closure looks so simple though
its the cavern underneath ...

more lies for your ego

that person that doesnt get that their the issue and your just the subjet
the pain that dwells for no reason at all
the love lost and found
you don't see it yet do you?

the life i have written for myself is unlike the one for you
you won't bring me down in your misery
even though your happiness may hurt ...
i'd rather that than your pain fester and puss on me
you pathetic waste of percious human life

the pain youve caused is nothing to the bad taste you leave on earth, for the rest of us to deal with.

never again

don't you see that i miss you
are you that blind?
or do you chose to look the other way
what is gone has floated to a past memory
what is to come of the lies youve feed me for years
did you think i'd always stand and take it???

JUST FOR YOU

just so you know
its you missing out
is you that oesnt see the beauty in the sunset
and yet wonders what may come

blamed for the past disclosures
deafted by your mistakes and broken promises
what i have to offer has not even been brought to the surface
and your yet to break evn let alone my skin

i love the way your eyes are oceans of disasters
and your drowning me in the lost momentum
when you finally bring your head to the surface ...
ill be long gone and dancing on the grave of your mistakes

the song in my heart

Tortured souls
broken strings
worn out wishes
and trod on dreams

the this is how you see fit
forgetting what is lost
remembering what you use to love
forgeting what it cost

a faiytale is oh so simple
the nightmare is reality
if wishes do come true
you must understand... i hope they dont come to you!

broken words

The watermarks of trepidation
The stress lines of the forgotten
She carry’s the burden of their mistakes
Consequences of their actions that will cloud her existence

And yet she is a better life form than they could have ever expected
She has more depth and mystery than they could ever expect

There’s a reason the ones around her adore her...
The graduate she will never except but show her devotion all the same

whats way to come

holding onto the fairytale for only so long
missing the point completely

the anticipation of what may come
My heartbeat reacts to you touch
the smell of you sends shivers down my spine
and yet a dread...
the moment i open my eyes to see your not there

i glow at the sight of you
and yet the understanding of the situation is nothing more than a battle of minds
forgetting that the other opinions count not on what we believe
ill be there when the rain falls ...
even if the sun has set on what may come

dead girls dreams

How long can she hide behind the mirror
escaping through the past exsit
holding onto a dead girls dreams
she would desire this word but despis who she became ...

'I will always be a little bit lost'
Is not a moto to live by,
but another excuse to hide behind
another lie as part of her disguise

the lie stops only when you stop acting the part
the mystery ends only when the case is closed
the dream drifts whn reality seaps in
being this forgotten should be a crime